Another blog about the traffic in my part of the world. Traffic King. Not trafficking as in drugs or any other entity that can be trafficked. Traffic King, as in the Lion King.
Where do I begin? From one destination. I embark, look at my watch, to my right, left, front, back, mutter my prayers, trust my brakes and sixth sense, and move. Or endeavor to do so, as my neighbor has decided to do so at the same moment. Very optimistic person, as he looks straight ahead only, and not like the girl under demonic possession in The Exorcist. Yes…that girl with a mile-long tongue and the neck which did a 360-degree rotation which had the audience screaming. Here too, there was some screaming, from my brakes and of course from my husband. After the mandatory “Have a nice day” I venture forth into the killing fields….sorry, Chennai roads.
Certainly it looks very doable, with only a dozen or so vehicles (two-wheelers, three- and four-wheelers as I am not in the juggernaut section yet) which are double parked, some of them in ‘oblique-lie’ as an obstetrician would say. Honk politely at the arthritic old man taking his unwilling grandchild to school and rudely at the bimbo sashaying with a cellphone at her ear and love in her eyes.
Wait…this I have to see….is that a squirrel on top of that boy’s head? No.
Not in that color. And those symmetric geometrically perfect hairless lines over his ears are not the handiwork of a neurosurgeon
On the main road now. The harder level of the game. Where the tough get going as the going gets tough. ‘To go’ is the infinitive form of a verb implying movement. Even if it is only at the speed of 2 cms per minute. Which is the norm in certain stretches. After you cross this sector, you can actually feel the breeze. This does not imply that you can relax even if the traffic signal tells you to. I don’t know about your streets, roads, and highways etc.,. but our traffic lights do. I do know about the cops who are after you for speeding, shooting a red, giving you tickets, though.
Here you are cautioned by hoardings which inform you that ‘Smoking is injurious to health’, ask you not to ‘Drink and drive,’ or use cellphones while driving. As if anyone cares! Actually depriving oncologists, orthopedicians, and neurosurgeons of their living. A little sentimental tug, when you are informed (by the billboard) that your family is waiting for you at home. By the way, this is strategic, as nobody ever tells you about your boss waiting for you at work. Sorry for meandering, like that arrogant biker who believes in wedging his bike into every vacant gap between moving and stationary vehicles. We have a term for it. Cycle gap. Go for it! Die in it! Ruin some fool’s life whether you and your pillion (which of the four?) rider/s survive or succumb.
Actually I am complaining too much. My professional skills have been honed by decades of driving in such traffic. Screening the hordes for the hidden cop, having razor-sharp reflexes for braking on time, timing it for not catching a red….Talking of red, how do the color-blind drive? Are they told that the light on top is the one where you stop if you want to…sorry, have to?
To some, physics is dry and boring. Radiophysics (physics of radiology) is confusing also. A subject where one law or rule contradicts the other and makes perfect sense. Radiologists and radiotherapists will agree. If any aspirant has a problem in understanding how a ‘bombarded electron’ travels, they just have to drive down East Coast Road. One cannot travel from point A to point B in a single straight line. Without hitting or getting hit by any moving or stationary physical presence. Got it? Now Fleming’s left hand thumb rule is nothing!
Expect the unexpected. You never know what is around the corner. Or straight ahead of you. The speeding Pondy bus, the sputtering share-auto who halts (ahead of you) when you accelerate, these are now ingrained in your sixth sense. You know that the tipsy man is going to keel over exactly over there, or wag his finger repeatedly in his argument with his opponent from vaporland right next to you, BUT, you did not expect that buffalo/cow to materialize in your blind-spot, or stretch its forelimb out on the tar road, in your line of motion, out of the blue! And look so oblivious to its surroundings, somehow giving you the impression that this is what it exactly wanted, like the sun-tanning bikini beauties in Baywatch?
This, this, this is where my heart leaves its anatomical location, like the hearts in the Candy Crush game. Normalcy and acceptance replace denial several seconds and unsolicited endorsements of your driving skills (or the lack thereof) later.
I have seen these signs before: “Deer Crossing, School Zone, Dangerous Curve Ahead,” but never one that read “Buffalo/Cow Relaxing”.
Maybe because this relaxing does not occur at one designated spot. It can occur anywhere or everywhere, anytime. And that is why I have named this blog, my second one on Traffic as “Traffic King” declaring the bovine species Regents of the Road.
Happy driving. Don’t drink and drive. Speed kills. Your family is waiting for you at home.
And a buffalo is waiting on the road!
Sarojini's Thoughts 